


Your Ocean Eyes

by DenebYL



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Songfic, no beta we die like men, yuri said he'd throw me in the orbit if i published this so here i am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 09:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14912418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DenebYL/pseuds/DenebYL
Summary: Ren grieves silently.He grieves in his solitudes, his gratitudes, his apologies, and his distractions...And he grieves in his disappointments.Until that familiar ring of a bell.





	Your Ocean Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this on the flight back from japan and forgot about it and slept on it for so long until yuri threatened me and I remembered "I STILL HAVE THISSSSS"
> 
> also I've been dead for weeks!! hello!! I'm back after 3593285284302 breakdowns and a trip to japan and I went to the hachiko statue and it's so funny how everyone's like 'lets meet at the hachiko statue' and there's 38532947329472084328420 people there

__

_I’ve been watching you for some time  
Can’t stop staring at those ocean eyes _

He sighed, watching the flames in front of him rise, its colours now a brilliant and incandescent sunset.

Its crackling was playful and gentle as if to make up for the sudden silence, showers of sparks licking the falling snowflakes. He feels sorry for the snowflakes – quick to life, quick to death, yet it is no one’s fault. Some things you just cannot control.

_Some things you just cannot control, huh...?_

“I’m really sorry.” The blonde beside him spoke.

Ren turned to look at her, confusion in his onyx orbs.

“What for?” He asked, somewhat in disbelief – had he been mourning to such a great extent that just about everyone has said that to him today…?

“Akechi.” She spoke, as the other boy that sat beside him then stilled.

“Ann…” It was Ryuji, this time. His voice hesitant, unwilling… the call was merely a gentle and mild chide.

Ren could feel his spirit wilt, and he found himself momentarily wishing that he were one of the snowflakes that had fallen to the ground – it is unseen and it is indiscernible, he wished that he did not have to face this.

“Honestly… It pains me. It pains us.”

Ann’s voice was low.

“We know you fell for him, and for you to have seen what had happened at Shido’s palace… I wish things had been different.”

In the back, Ryuji pursed his lips and decided to speak as well.

“Do… you… wanna talk about it?”

Ren’s mouth opened as if to speak, but he held it back.

He knew this was going to be a sentence full of emotions – full of raw emotions, naught but melancholy and morose  
He held it back, as if a parent intent on protecting their child.

Rearranging the sentences in his head, he wanted to reassure his friends that soon this will pass. He wanted to reassure his friends that this would not be a problem.

And yet his voice, the usually elusive and tranquil phantom – it betrayed his wishes.  
And as it did, the words that had come out were not those he had spent rearranging in the midst of an anxious silence that held the air between him and Ann and Ryuji.

“I…”

As they sat in silence, Ryuji moved to the empty space beside him as Ann held his hand.

This was one of the many solitudes that he would grow to spend with his two friends.

_Burning cities and napalm skies  
Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes_

“Good job.” Sojiro nodded to himself, praising Ren’s most recent craftsmanship.

“Thank you.” Ren muttered, his lips curving into a small smile.

He took a deep sigh, the ever familiar scent of coffee wafting in the air making its way through his lungs, a scent that he would say that he has found solace in.

But he would be lying if he had not associated it with loneliness.

A loneliness that he remembers through a spark, a tinge of bittersweet left on his lips on one rainy day.

He shakes his head, chanting to himself that he will get over this, reminding himself that he cannot keep spiralling down as he mourns – it’s frustrating how every little thing now reminds him of his existence once.

“You know…”

Sojiro’s voice rang amongst the boiling water and chatters from the television.

“This might not be my place to say it, but you’ll get through this.”

The caretaker pocketed his pack of cigarettes, and pat Ren’s shoulder.

“…I think Futaba said the word was, uh… Relatable.”

The small smile that he thought he had maintained turned out to have faded, and he put it up again.

“…Yeah. Thanks.”

“It… took me a while to get over what had happened to Wakaba, too, and I could have done with support – which I’m now offering to you.”

“Sweet.” Ren bounced back to his witty self. “Can’t wait to call you at 3 in the morning and ask you if you think that _luwak_ coffee isn’t really it’s faeces and is actually its—“

“Dependant support business hours are 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. and inappropriate topics will be ignored.” Sojiro immediately intercepted.

The black-haired boy laughed, and muttered a thank you once again.

This was one of the many thank yous that Ren would have found himself saying to his caretaker from then on out.

__

_Your ocean eyes_

“I think this one looks good…” Haru hummed to herself, and put it on the counter in front of Yuusuke and Futaba.

“An excellent sun carrot.” The blue haired boy mumbled to himself, and placed it in front of him. He quietly studied it – assessing it, as if it were a long-gone masterpiece having just recently surfaced back to civilisation.

“It’s just a carrot, you weird Inari.” Futaba raised an eyebrow.

“There are more to vegetables than simply flavour.” He retorted, slight irritation evident in his voice.

“They all look the same when cut up anyway!”

“…I do not know why I still enable you.”

“Ugh, I could’ve taken it home right now…” She pouted, and put her head on the counter, feigning depression over a missed chance.

Amidst the silence, Futaba then rose, and swiftly looked at him.

“…I can sense it.”

“What?”

“Your mind…”

“…?”

“Your mind! It’s already thinking of spending a thousand hours painting it. It won’t be delicious anymore!” She whined, feigning panic.

“How dare you.” Yuusuke turned to her, accusing eyes catching a glimpse of mischievous eyes. “I can still take my time painting it _and_ it will still be delicious.”

“You two… You two know you can put vegetables in a fridge, right?” Haru leaned in between them, unsure if they knew. “It’ll still be delicious.”

“But Inari’s going to be weird with it and by the time _I_ get it, it’s probably weird!”

“What do you think I do to them…?” He asked cautiously.

“I know for a fact Ren’s on my side!” She laughed victoriously, and turned to Ren, who did not even respond.

He was lost in his own thoughts, his eyes blankly staring at nothing…

And Futaba’s laughter faded, replaced by a worried call.

“Ren…?”

It was lost to the void – unheard, barely even scraping the surface of his mind, now seemingly a relentless, yet barren battlefield…

Haru was the one to break him out of it first. Her hands gently held his, and he looked up to her.

Then he turned to his side, worried calls of his name from Yuusuke and Futaba.

He apologised, and put up a smile.

This was one of the many apologies that he started to say as waves of guilt washed upon his consciousness.

__

_No fair,  
You really know how to make me cry when you give me those ocean eyes_

“…This would go here.” Makoto mumbled to herself, scribbling down the letters and numbers that had formed in her head, the conclusion that is now clear as day to her.

“You know, I’m kind of glad I’m not human. What with all this you guys have to deal with.” Morgana forced a laugh.

“Well, these may come in handy later in life…”

She hummed to herself.

“But I do wish I were a cat sometimes.”

“My life is really one of luxury.” He grinned to himself, and made his way onto the table.

Some time later, he put his paw on Makoto’s textbook.

“Wait… Hmm, I think you made a mistake here?”

Never in her life did Makoto think she would hear a cat say that she had made a mistake, and yet she heeded his words and went back to scan her work.

“…Actually, yes. That was my bad.” She let out a hum of agreement. “Nice work.”

Pleased with himself, Morgana’s tail started swishing and he let out a choppy laugh.

“I think I deserve some fatty tuna for that wonderful find!”

“You won’t find another one so soon, mark my words.” Makoto laughed.

And the silence that followed was one the two were not used to. No witty words from the other person present – no response whatsoever…

Nothing but silence, from the figure that had stilled and was barely even holding his pencil up.

Morgana’s ears drooped.

“I wonder…”

“…Ren?” Makoto spoke.

Still nothing… Though only for a few short seconds.

Ren turned to look at the two, and looked surprised.

“Oh, sorry.” He shook his head, and fell back into silence.

And Morgana picked up on it, intent on distracting him.

“Say, that one looks tough.” He placed a paw on one of the questions.

“…That one?” Ren turned to look at the notebook, and scanned the sentence.

“I think Makoto did a really weird formula for it.”

“It’s a formula that I learned from a previous upperclassman, actually. Let me teach it to you. It’s much easier than the one we were taught.”

He allocated all of his attention to listen to her, and Morgana intently took his time to try and understand it too.

This was one of the many study sessions that he actually grew appreciate – a distraction that he definitely needed.

__

_I’m scared,  
I’ve never fallen from quite this high,  
falling into your ocean eyes_

The crowd in Shibuya was as packed as ever, as he tried to make his way through to the Station Square.

Not that the layers and layers of clothing helped – they felt heavy, and the fact that he had bumped into a lot of people did not help.

He was starting to feel tired.

New Year’s had come and gone, and he and his friends have gone their separate ways.

He remembered telling them that he was going to go straight home, that they didn't have to worry.

He especially remembered Ann having to physically hold back Ryuji from following him, and the fact that he had to stay an extra few minutes to promise them that he would be fine.

But now he was wondering if that was a mistake, if perhaps he should have taken up Ryuji’s offer to come with him.

Because the moment he saw the Hachiko statue, Ren stilled and sighed.

Just maybe…

He thought to himself, and approached the dozens of people standing in front of the statue, each of them alone and in wait under the speckles of white that felt like fairy tale stardusts.

It’s stupid, he thinks. Fairy tale stardusts are exactly what they are – simply a fairy tale.

And yet he found himself wishing that there was some way for him to see Akechi again.

So he closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

He counted to ten, and slowly opened his eyes at that final count.

And when he opened his eyes, it was exactly what he had expected to see.

Nothing new had appeared, no one he had recognised had appeared, and he left the Hachiko statue with a small chuckle – one of disappointment.

This was one of the many disappointments that he eventually concluded was his last.

__

__

_Those ocean eyes_

“Where do you think Boss is?” Morgana asked, lying comfortably on the chair as his tail swished left and right.

“Now that you mention it…” Ren looked toward the door, raising an eyebrow. “He has been gone for a while. You think you could go check on him?”

“Do I have to?” Morgana mumbled in protest.

“I can’t leave the counter, and you definitely can’t man a coffee shop.” He shrugged.

“What if boss is being mugged?! Close shop for like, 30 minutes.” The cat pleaded even further.

“I’ll tell him it was your idea to close up shop in daylight, then.”

“…He just knows that I’m a cat.”

“…You’re right. I can’t blame you, so maybe not. Guess he’ll just get mugged, then.”

A ring of a bell, and Ren turned to the door, and froze.

The shorter brown hair aside, those red eyes were unmistakeable.

And that smile.

One of the few genuine smiles that Ren had received over the course of last year.  
One of the few genuine smiles that Ren would point out, and would find himself smiling over just like a giddy high school student having a crush on someone.

It was unmistakeable.

“…There’s no easy way to greet you, after what had happened.” He spoke. “Is it acceptable to start if off with I’m sorry?”

__

_No fair_

Ren walked over the counter, steps hasty and heavy, and his hand was swift – it hit Akechi on his cheek.

The loud noise reverberated in the empty café, and Akechi’s eyes were wide.

“I… I guess I shouldn’t be surprised…”

Akechi held his red cheek, and he had put up a weak smile on his face.

He slowly turned his face upwards, expecting to see anger and frustration – maybe even a hint of disappointment from Ren.

Disappointment that he had come back into his life, if at all. Maybe he had been doing just fine without Akechi's presence...

But it was none of that.

Akechi saw a face that betrayed all other emotion but relief, as Ren leaned forwards to hug him.

“You really know how to make me cry, don’t you?”

_You really know how to make me cry when you give me those ocean eyes_

**Author's Note:**

> [T-POSES AT YURI]  
> IS THIS YOUR KING
> 
> the song is Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish and I listen to it 25/8 now because relationships are messy and it makes me want to stay in a dark and small corner and sleep all day


End file.
